I have a long history of losing to myself. Myself comprises my cravings, indulgence, unawareness of both of those, and potentially no consistency in the pursuit of improving the situation. Just acts of hopelessness, haphazardness, and short bursts cost me lots of grievance, pity, and thoughts of failure. Ultimately, I want to bring the best out of me, but I'm indifferent. What starts as a spark at the end of the tunnel ends up being a fire that burns me up when I try to escape from it. Big dreams were seen, great plans were formulated, and larger-than-life ambitions were projected, but they all took away pieces of myself. I lose myself when I try to win something else. Is it a recurring rule of life? My mind gets clogged, gradually, when I'm not conscious of my regular actions, or when I indulge in the moment. Such instances bring me down; they make me hate, despise, and downplay myself. But I know I can achieve greatness, or at least abstain from non-greatness. But these very ...